Trust/Fear Part One

i don’t trust you because you’re afraid of things. 

i don’t trust you because you’re afraid of things!

your fear of death doesn’t make me trust you. your fear of living doesn’t make me trust you. i don’t take your word on death avoidance, on life compliance, on spirits, on afterlife, hope or despair, because you seem authoritatively afraid. 

after all, it really isn’t about my “Trust” in your fear anyway. it’s about our desire to compel compliance. 

people in fear who externalize their emotions leverage their Big Fear energy as authority (trust me, i do it all the time). something you are doing is making me feel fear, and it’s my job to tell you, and your job to stop. the illusory compulsion: that it’s within our power to compel our experience of safety from others.

that it’s within our power to compel our experience of safety from others. 

no, no it’s not. it’s not, because it’s impossible. 

there has never been any amount of compulsive compelling i could ever do (and i can be very convincing), that has spared me from my fear, that has spared me from myself. i think, actually, nothing outside of me has the power to spare me, from myself. 

here’s the real rub. when you say you’re afraid, i believe you. i trust your ability to feel it, i trust your ability to name it, i trust your ability to express it. your fear is as real as anything can be. but your fear, has, nothing, to, do, with, me. 

your emotions are none of my business, as mine are none of yours. i’m not happy you are triggered. i didn’t wish for your heart pounding out of your chest and sweat accumulating in your palms. i’m not excited by your pain (that’s not the kind of play i like anyways). 

and all of that goes to show that your emotions are far out of my sphere of control. i didn’t invite them here (likely, neither did you), nor do i have the power to banish them away from you. i can’t and don’t compel you, to feel some type of way about anything at all. And you can’t and don’t compel me, to twist myself out of the possibility of tripping your wire. you are free of me. and i of you.

you can’t and don’t compel me to trust you, and your projections are not an effective “trust me” strategy anyways.